2026 NEWSLETTERS

And books shorter too!

Not summer. Not winter. Not spring nor fall. No, baseball season is my favorite season and it's happening once again. Which means less time for movies and books. Writing, however, I always have time for. Despite a day job already spent writing — plus a life spent lifing — I will always find time to write my own stuff. 

Which leads me to the subject of this month's newsletter: Burn & Turn. Or as I like to call it: On to the next one. Which is where I'm at now.

SUBMIT comes out June 1st. So when you receive this, you can still pre-order the hard cover, paperback, or ebook and get your copy the same week. It was important to me that my books are economical. And I'm finally doing what I love. I finally found my flow, I can't stop, won't stop, writing. Which is why my second novel is already done and I'm already dreaming up the third. 

My books, my films, my projects are my babies. The S.S. Motherhood sailed the Menopause Sea long ago. Writing is my firstborn, middle child, and eldest wrapped into one Microsoft Word doc. Books and movies are my happy place. Baseball is my shut-off switch. And work pays for it all.....or, rather, I pay for it all thanks to my job.

I never imagined I'd be so happy creating, ingesting, and screaming at the TV, but here I am. One novel down, two-hundred to go. 

So here's to May! May you find your kill switch. May you live in your happy place. May you hug your children. Seasons are short. May this season last. 

- Natasha

(These books are not in the order of what I liked best)

1. ISLAND BENEATH THE SEA — Mixed Race Book Club's pick of the month definitely does not fit my "Make Books Shorter" wish from up top. Don't get me wrong, I love an epic. A tome. A weaving thread of a yarn that takes months to finish. But during baseball season, it's hard. I had to complete Isabel Allende's sweeping narrative with a mix of text and audiobook. It's beautifully written, and even well-read. The focus is on slave girl-turned-woman, Zarité, trying to live her life despite all odds and odd men stacked against her. Despite the novel's off-putting length, I loved this book and would read Allende again and again. Though maybe not between April through early November if there's a deadline.

2. SUBMIT— Alright y'all, you know this is my book but it still counts as a book I read this month. I had to re-read it when I received my author copies to make sure there were no typos. As for my review, the author is sassy, the writing is smart, and the ending always makes me tear up. I'm proud of what I created. I hope you enjoy it too.

3. BOX HILL — A few months back I watched the movie PILLION — this is the book it's based on. The subtitle of BOX HILL is "A Story of Low Self Esteem" and it sure makes sense why. The main character Colin is a gay man with no sexual experience until he meets Ray — a handsome, dominant biker who makes Colin his submissive then abruptly is gone from his life. This is a slim novel and one of those rare books that is not as good as the film which, by the way, has NOTHING in common with the book except for the main characters' names. Even though this was short, it took me almost as long to finish as Allende's opus. Talk about punishment. 

4. A WELL-TRAINED WIFE — This is a memoir of Tia Levings' experience as a trad wife. Not the butter-churning influencer kind. The make-babies-and-a-sandwich-or-else kind. A WELL-TRAINED WIFE has some similarities to SUBMIT, which is why I read it. But my fictional Dee is different from IRL Tia because Tia is physically abused. I can't imagine what Tia went through. I'm glad she's writing about her experiences. Just like Allende, I read this as a mix of audio/text. Not because it was too long, but because I was struggling to get through the writing. The audiobook is narrated by Tia herself, which made her story more heartfelt and heartbreaking. I'm glad SUBMIT brought me to Tia's work. 

3. DEEP WATER — Every so often a movie will come around that makes me want to play a drinking game with myself. Action movies like TERMINATOR 2. Bad movies like FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. Or disaster movies like this one where I drink every time I laugh. This has a pretty frightening premise — a plane crashes in shark-infested waters in the middle of the ocean — but the array of characters, the cheesy dialogue, and the bad CGI were enough to make me want to get drunk. I can't stand gore so I did my research before I settled into my AMC seat. There's blood, there's floating fake body parts, there's gore-adjacent allusions, and plenty of animatronic sharks. Yay! Two scenes made me cover my eyes. But the plane crash alone is worth the price of admission, and I hate to fly. See it with a cocktail you love.

2. OMAHA — I knew nothing of this movie except the one trailer I saw probably before DEEP WATER. All I knew was, it's story of a down-and-out dad driving his kids around, probably living out of their car, and I'd most likely cry. SOLD! Watching it, however, I got tired of the long family-outing sequences. Though the soundtrack was great, I was bored. I yawned. I rolled my eyes. And then I understood. This is heartbreaking in a way I didn't expect until it was too late. The less you know about this one, the better.

1. MI QUERIDA SEÑORITA (My Dearest Señorita) — As much as I hate to give prominent placement to a Netflix movie, this is a foreign film I probably never would've caught in theaters because it would've been given no promotion. Not like Netflix has been promoting it either, but still. This is a remake of a 1972 film of the same name which, back then, was way ahead of its time. The story follows Adela, a young woman surprised to learn she was born intersex because her family hid the truth. This was well-acted, well-written, and sad yet inspiring. It reminded me of GOLDEN BOY, the book I read last month which centered around the same subject matter. I was incredibly impressed with how thought-provoking and engaging this film was. I couldn't help but think if it were adapted into an English / American film how exploitative and gratuitously sexual it would become. See it before it's too late!

PLAY ME

i do not receive payment for my reviews or recommendations

"There are books you read, and then there are books that read you. SUBMIT is the latter. Real and raw." — Dr. Aerial Ellis, Founder, Black Women Pray

My debut novel comes out in June. I’m obviously a mess of all the emotions — excited, nervous, bashful, sneezy, Doc — but honestly the hardest part of this process is over. I wrote the thing. It’s done. I can only tweak and edit and futz with the formatting so much. The book is now a finished product that’s ready to be enjoyed, ignored, or despised. That part is out of my hands. It’s sort of peaceful not knowing what comes next. But perhaps that’s a side effect of writing a book called SUBMIT. You kind of enmesh yourself in surrender. Not a bad place to be before a big launch.

As for the book itself, it comes from reality. I married for the first and last time at the age of 46. I don’t say that because it's the last time I'll marry or my husband is my one and only soulmate. I say it because I will never get married again. EVER. It's hard. It's uncomfortable. I like being alone. I love my husband. But I love my sanity more.

When we got married I was knee deep in menopause. Not peri. Not intermittent periods. My entire biology had changed naturally and I went in menopause early. As did my mom who never mentioned it to me since her experience was oh-so easy. A few night sweats and two frozen shoulders. Well, boo hoo.

For me, I ran the menopause gamut — I gained twenty pounds, developed cellulite in new, strange places, my hair was dry — everything was dry — and I had hot flashes so often I had to skip all the day games in my Dodger season tickets package since I couldn't sit on a plastic seat in 90-degree weather anymore. Worst of all, I was sexually deceased. I don’t just mean just dry and disinterested. I was disgusted. The mere thought of sex made me want to vomit. Not to mention the excruciating and debilitating pain if I attempted it. And here I was about to be a new bride.

When I was 44 I had a male OBGYN who said I was too young to be in peri-menopause, much the less THE CHANGE itself. But I hadn’t had my period in months, I was having thirty hot flashes a second, and my hair and nails were so brittle they were breaking off like autumn leaves from a tree. Finally he ran some tests and, lo and behold, there it was. MENOPAUSE. I knew it! 

But this male gyno wouldn’t prescribe hormone replacement therapy. He didn’t believe in it, he said. Because of this, I spent my first six months of menopause raw dogging it, only using whatver yam cream I could find online. My emotions were a roller coaster. Crying, then ripping someone's head off. I was like a teenager again, only this time with cystic acne. Something I skipped during adolescence entirely. 

By the time I found another gynecologist, I was only a few months away from my wedding day. She prescribed me HRT, and all seemed to well — at first. As my wedding date crept closer, my anxiety about the honeymoon piqued. I didn’t want to consummate my marriage. I couldn’t. Sex made me puke. I was ready to divorce before either of us ever said "I do."

I told my new female OBGYN my worries so she gave me the second worst piece of advice I’d ever heard — try foreplay. As if my body not working was my fault!? I didn’t have anyone other than her to discuss menopause with. My mom’s was a breeze, my older sister was still bleeding, Oprah hadn’t brought the topic mainstream yet. Nor had Halle Berry. Nor Naomi Watts. Nor my GP — who was a guy. Erectile dysfunction was TV’s golden child. Every other ad on MLBTV was for Hims or Blue Chew. What about women? We need help too!

Despite my decaying body and decrepit libido, my husband and I went to pre-marital counseling. Not because anything was wrong, but just to make sure we were on the page. We went to a Christian counselor because it was free. This was my downfall. 

Now I love church. I love going to temple. But I do not put a religion on my faith for multiple reasons. I consider myself a proud Godatarian — I ingest and love all things God. If I could do anything over, it would be my cheap choice of a counselor. While the married couple who counseled us had wonderful intentions, my worst piece of advice ever came from them.

Wives, submit to your own husbands as you submit to the Lord.

This is Ephesians 5:22 from the Bible and is the most quoted piece of scripture from incels, red-pillers, the manosphere, trad wives, and Charlie Kirk alike. Our counselors told us I had to submit to my husband not only biblically, not only mentally, not only financially and emotionally — but physically. Otherwise, according to them, I’d be disobeying a direct order from God.

All this led to my first year of marriage being the worst year of my life. It was too much pressure to perform something I couldn't. And religious scrupulosity was making me feel so ashamed, so guilty, for not performing God's command. I drifted further from my husband, further from God, who never spoke these words to me Himself. Yet I shunned them both. I wanted a divorce. I hated my body. I hated my life. I resented my husband and was beginning to resent God too. I went to therapy, I exercised, I upped my HRT dosages, I got a new OBGYN and a female GP. I prayed and I cried, but nothing worked. So, instead of leaving my husband — who never once tried to force me to do anything I didn’t want to do — I sat down and wrote about what I was going through. I created a character to dump all of my menopause, marriage, and faith doubts into, then I turned her problems up to 11 and ended up writing SUBMIT.

I’m happy to report that even though my husband and I didn't consummate our marriage for our first six months together, we made it. We're happy. Three years in and we're thriving. As for me and God, we're solid as ever. This was His way of getting me to write and writing this book was my friend, my therapist, my sex therapist, my reverend, my OBGYN, and my only way through. Even though SUBMIT is fiction it’s based on real experiences. 

Hopefully it can help someone else find their way through too.

- Natasha

(These books are not in the order of what I liked best)

1. KINDRED — I joined a new book club and promptly left for many reasons, one of which was the only diverse author in their monthly calendar was Octavia Butler. This, I am thankful for. I’ve read Butler previously but I never read Kindred, so this was a treat. A very disturbing treat. The protagonist, Dana, travels back in time to slave-holding days. Which would already be awful enough as is, except Dana's a Black woman sent back to protect her ancestors, so this makes the danger way way worse. I'll be honest, this was difficult to get through. Butler is an extremely descriptive writer. I could only read a few pages at time without feeling over-emotional. But it's well worth the challenge.

2. A LITTLE PIECE OF CUBA— Full disclosure, this book was written by my friend, and as any great friend would do, I bought it in pre-order, received it in January, then let it sit in a pile of TBR books for four months. I’m normally not the most voracious reader of essays, so this collection of the author’s experiences growing up removed from her Cuban roots was hard for me to make room for. But I finally took it out from the pile and devoured it just a few days. While some of the stories overlap, the prose is engaging. As a one-time tourist to Cuba myself, Barbara’s vivid descriptions of the Caribbean island brought back some memories — many of them sad. I was able to visit Cuba in 2008 when Obama was first elected. I wanted to see it before it turned into a capitalist nightmare, which still hasn’t quite happened. Not that it ever should. 

3. BROWNSTONE — I love graphic novels. I try to pick one up whenever I’m at the library. Depending on the subject matter, I can usually finish them in a night or two (not so with Kindred). I grabbed Brownstone because the title reminded me of my days living in Brooklyn where brownstones were ubiquitous. A brown girl on the cover never hurts either. It's about a multiracial girl who spends the summer with her father she knows about as well as he knows English — which is to say not at all. A relationship with her dad is not all she discovers. For years, she’d been confusing her Guatemalan heritage with that of Mexico’s, since she had no one to tell her different. It's an interesting look at the nuances of heritage through the eyes of a multiracial teen.

4. GOLDEN BOY — After leaving the book club who introduced me to Kindred, I felt a huge empty hole longing to be filled for a second book club in my life. My O.G. book club — Mixed Race Book Club — is fantastic. We’ve been together over six years, but everyone’s schedules have gotten so busy, we now only meet every other month, if not every three. Enter Booze, Books, and Brunch, a national book club I joined. I met the host of a local chapter through a networking group. This first book I'm reading with them came with a heavy trigger warning that I’m glad was there. This story of an intersex teen comes with plenty of horrific trauma. I loved Jeffrey Eugenides Pulitzer Prize-winning Middlesexand imagined this, too, would be similar. How wrong I was. Abigail Tarttelin’s Golden Boy is written with no holds barred. It's uncomfortable. It’s scary. It puts you right back in the Converse shoes of a high schooler complete with all their awkward, vulnerable, hormonal problems and fears. Only this goes beyond regular adolescent stuff If you decide to give this a read, please check out the trigger warning first. It’s better to go in prepared. 

3. IN THE HEART OF THE SEA — I was in Canada visiting my in-laws looking for something to watch. The Netflix options up there are different than the US rotation. A lot of outdoorsy and nautical options come up. whereas here, we get films with blood, gore, and violence. This film came out in 2015 and I’d never heard of it. Despite it not being a movie I would normally watch (re: a drama with Chris Hemsworth.), it turns out the movie was based on the nonfiction book, In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex, a story which inspired Herman Melville to write Moby Dick. It's a whalers' tale of capitalism at its most corrupt. The cast is stellar. Ron Howard directs. And best of all, it's true. I can't wait to read the book.

2. MICHAEL — I knew Michael Jackson was talented, but I hadn't thought about him in a while. This movie reminded me how talented he was. At 10 years old Michael had a voice that could make you cry. Like Stevie Wonder, another child prodigy, Michael grew up at Motown. As a teenager he forever changed the landscape at MTV, breaking the color barrier and getting them to finally air videos by Black musicians. Michael Jackson was unbelievably gifted. He could sing in perfect pitch, he was an incredible dancer, and he composed his own songs in his head. That talent still runs in the family because the actor who portrayed him (and crushed it) is his nephew, Jaafar. I know Michael Jackson is a polarizing figure, but he wasn’t always. This story showcases that side of Michael — the talent, the passion, the struggle. This is about Michael's rise, not his fall.

1. CATERPILLAR — Last month, one my Top 3 favorite films was Slanted, the story of an Asian teen’s transformation into a White girl through a highly suspect procedure that was backfiring all over her face. In my write-up I mentioned how I wore colored contacts to make me look nothing like who I actually am. This documentary is a combination of my experiences and Slanted, only worse. A business in India — not a surgeon nor a doctor, a business — has figured out how to change someone’s eye color for once and for all. Kind of.. All the folks who choose to have this costly operation are people of color. A fantastic and heartbreaking watch.

*UNFAIR ADVANTAGE: SILENCE OF THE LAMBS — This movie gets a special shoutout. It would be the automatic No. 1 spot in my Top 3, which isn't fair. Back in theaters for its 35th anniversary release, I was eager to see it again on the big screen. I saw it when it first came out. I was 13 years old, in junior high, and learned a very important lesson about life: how to be aware of my surroundings. The van scene where Buffalo Bill pretends to be injured to kidnap his prey saved me from countless bad situations. I still don't get in a car with strangers. When my husband and I first met, he wanted to show me the lights inside his campervan. I stood square on the sidewalk and bowed my head to look in, never once stepping inside. He thought I was crazy, but I’m still alive. This masterpiece is on my all-time Top 5 favorite films list. It still holds up, despite time. 

PLAY ME

i do not receive payment for my reviews or recommendations 

Seeing this WORD MARKET reminded me of one of my Top 3 favorite books — 'The Phantom Tollbooth' — specifically the scene at the Dictionopolis Word Fair. Hope there's no Spelling Bee around!

Asking for blurbs from experts for the back of my novel. Asking for time from my editor and proofreader. Asking for patience. Asking for help. Asking God what comes next. Asking myself if my book is ready to meet the world.

SUBMIT — my debut novel — launches June 1st. And this month, for the first time, I sent the manuscript to real people outside of the publishing industry.

First was my OBGYN. She’s the co-director of the Menopause Clinic at UCLA. Without her, I wouldn’t be breezing through The Change as easy as I have been. It’s been a struggle, SUBMIT is my testimony to that. But with my doctor by my side, my hormones are level, my pants fit again, and my head is on straight. 

My second ask was from my LA marathon coach who got me across the finish line. Their lessons on how to breathe, keep my heart rate low, and run in the heat made it directly into SUBMIT.

Third was a faith leader whose book recommendations and Black women’s prayer group have been a cornerstone for me during my tumultuous first year of marriage when I wanted to give up and doubted my faith. More direct themes from SUBMIT.

Next up was a death doula who helps people transition into the final phase of life with dignity. Dying and loss happens to all us. Aside from death doulas, none of us are ready for it. Grief and trauma are the backbone of SUBMIT. 

I asked people whose lives intersect with this story and received so many blessings I couldn't have planned. Two said yes within hours. One was in the middle of her own grief and still said yes. One is revising their blurb as we speak.

I didn't expect to feel so vulnerable sending my words out into the world, but I did. Despite being published before, this experience is nerve-wracking. SUBMIT is all told straight from my heart. While it's fiction, it's semi-autobiographical, making my asks all the more difficult and embarrassing. Despite my fears of rejection and exposure behind an otherwise private life, what I've learned is that when you ask for help, the right people show up and make things less frightening.

If someone you know is struggling with menopause, grief, marriage, or faith, check in to see how they're doing. Good things happen when we ask.

June 1st is coming. I'm grateful you’re here with me. 

That's all I could ask for.

- Natasha

(These books are not in the order of what I liked best)

1. GUANTANAMO DIARY — A few months back I recommended ‘The Mauritanian’ as being one of my Top 3 movies of the month. I liked the film so much I wanted to read the book. So, for March, ‘Guantanamo Diary’ was our Mixed-Race Book Club Book of the Month. Like the cover depicts, a lot of the book is redacted, but not so much that you can’t feel the warmness and humor of the author — despite the horrors of his detainment. You can clearly understand, if not feel, the terror, pain, and absolute dehumanization of Mohamedou and his fellow incarcerees. Many of which were locked up without due process. But none for as long as Mohamedou himself, who was imprisoned in Guantánamo Bay from 2002 to 2016. Over fourteen years, all without charge. An unfortunately poignant reminder of American politics and habeas corpus — or the lack thereof.

2. THE KEEPER OF LOST THINGS — Last month I read ‘A Home for Goddesses and Dogs’ and greatly disliked it, to put it mildly. It featured a character who was mentally slow or autistic or however the author wanted to portray someone touched by an angel. The author’s depiction of this tacked-on character was crude, shallow, and lacked real depth. I say this because with ‘The Keeper of Lost Things” author Ruth Hogan does exactly the opposite. Her character Sunshine is not just well written, she’s funny, smart, loyal, and her special abilities are an important — if not crucial — part of the plot. The book itself was an interesting read, though it hit the same notes of unrequited love, ghostly happenings, all in the same location entirely too much. The end wrapped up so quickly I felt cheated. But Hogan’s fleshed-out special needs character was written so eloquently, I can’t help but be charmed by this book.

3. PLAY YOUR WAY SANE — NPR hipped me to this self-help book which teaches readers how to gamify their life and stop anxious thoughts. I immediately loaned the book from the library and gave it to my husband since he was suffering from stress. But I was stressed out too, so I read the book and ended up buying it, I liked it so much. ‘Play Your Way Sane’ gives the reader 120 prompts and exercises inspired by improv theatre to boost mental health. It’s more than just ‘yes, and’ — though that’s included to help become a better listener and conversationalist. What I enjoyed most were ways to keep my mind in the present during stressful situations. Like driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the 405. Thanks to Clay Drinko (fabulous name), what I do when I get behind the wheel now is count different out of state license plates (I saw 17!). I count Cybertrucks (twelve and I win a million dollars!). And I note how many of my dream cars I see (Mazda MX-5 hardtop — eight and I win one!). Obviously, I don’t really win a million dollars and get a free car (or maybe I do, I haven’t hit my numbers yet), but this makes driving way more engaging. I'm calmer, drive slower. I barely curse anymore. Now I just have to get my husband to read the book too.

4. HEARTBURN — If you’ve ever seen the 1986 movie, ‘Heartburn.’ with Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep, this is the book it’s based on. But what it’s really based on is author Nora Ephron’s real-life marriage to Carl Bernstein, of Woodward and Bernstein fame. This semi-autobiographical novel is about the collapse of a marriage in less than 60,000 words, which is one of the reasons I read it. My debut novel SUBMIT (coming June 1st) is a semi-autobiographical novel about the collapse of faith during late-in-life marriage and is also less than 60,000 words. 'Heartburn' is a full, engaging, and heartbreaking story that might have fewer pages, but both the movie and the book makes you laugh and makes you weep. It's a fantastic read and an excellent film. The Carly Simon soundtrack song, ‘Coming Around Again,’ doesn’t hurt either. A great story by a great writer, no matter the form.

MARCH TOP 3:

3.MEN—Jessie Buckley is the It Girl of the moment. (‘The Bride,’ ‘Hamnet’) Now everybody is trying to capitalize on her past work. Which is how I found this little gem. ‘Men’ is about a woman terrorized by the same man in different forms — a preacher, an Airbnb host, patrons at a bar, a naked stalker — are all played by the same creepy actor. All except her ex-husband who she’s trying to move past from. I’m not going to lie, I wish it wasn’t written and directed by a man. But the fact that it’s done by Alex Garland (‘The Beach’ novel; ‘Civil War’ movie) helps takes the sting away. The film gets a little gross and graphic at the end. I didn’t think I’d like this as much as I did while I was watching it, but afterwards the film sat with me for days. That alone earns a Top 3 spot. 

2. SLANTED — This has been called a mix between ‘Get Out,’ ‘Mean Girls, and ‘The Substance.’ While I see the intersection, Amy Wang’s film goes beyond that, into high school when insecurities are at an all-time high. I went to a diverse high school myself, but back in the '90s, mixed kids weren’t as prevalent as they are now. I was the only Black Jew for miles. My nickname was Shalom Homey. Even friends' parents called me that. It never bothered me, but not seeing anyone who looked like me did. I wore colored contacts, straightened my hair, and did all sorts of things to fit in because, while I didn’t look 100% Black or 100% Jewish, I definitely got mistaken for White and leaned into it. It was easier than letting people touch my hair or assume I was Greek. The protagonist of this film is Asian. She cannot pass for White so she decides to become White instead. The ending is soul-crushing. It brutally depicts the cost of chasing acceptance. I know because I’ve been there with White-passing alterations myself.

1. GET ON THE BUS — This came out in 1996 and holds up way better than most movies from its era. It centers on a group of Black men — ranging in age, skin tone, and income — on their way to the Million Man March in Washington. On their road trip from LA to DC, they discuss everything that can possibly come up about being a Black man in America. It’s fitting that this was back on the big screen to celebrate its 30th anniversary a few short weeks after Jesse Jackson passed (RIP). There’s a scene with Black Republican, Wendall, who denounces Jesse’s civil rights work, and Black liberals in general who he says rely on the government to make it in life. Out of all the White folks we meet on this ride, Wendall’s the racist of all. Powerful, topical, and I’ll even use the word brilliant. This is Spike Lee at the top of his game.

PLAY ME

i do not receive payment for my reviews or recommendations 

The drive-in is my favorite place to see a movie. But not this one. It's a mere remnant of better times.

A TV addict. But not the binge-all-of-Fraiser in one weekend kind. At least not anymore. 

In 1995 I knew our cable TV guide by heart. Some of my nightly faves included Three's Company at 11pm, American Gladiators at 1am, Mr. Bean at 5am, followed by Brain Games or Encyclopedia Brown at 6. Then it was time to get ready for school.

Contrary to what you may think, I didn't crash out during my classes. I was the opposite. I radiated the blue light aura. I'd recap all the jokes. Stumble through all the pratfalls. I'd throw all the best TV television had to offer addicts like me right back at my well-slept classmates. I was the belle of the ball. The class clown. I was a hoot. A holler. I was voted 'Most Fun to Be With' by my senior class. I was also so fucking depressed I tried to take my own life. Which is what led me to creating the play and short film, CHATTER.

So no, I'm not the binger kind of TV addict. I'm a recovering one, trying my best. 

In the beginning, I cut myself off from television cold turkey. I just plain never watched the stuff. Then, during college I nannied and the kids watched it. I looked forward to them watching it. I'd watch it with them.... and without them. 

As I got older, my need to be near a TV for The Simpsons was irrational for many reasons. New shows were thrust upon me by friends. I was forced to watch episodes people assumed I'd find brilliant. I was lured into marathons of Law & Order by hotel rooms. Now my husband wants to know what the hoopla surrounding White Lotus is. I tell him he has to wait ten years to find out. Watching anything recent is a slippery slope. 

To throw ourselves a bone. I let us watch the full series of The Sopranos from start to finish. Then he got mad when I watched most of the fourth season without him. 

Well, duh. 

Navigating my addiction along with his curiosity is a tempestuous dance. To serve both our needs, I allow us one show to binge and one show only — the Netflix hit, Love is Blind. Which, ironically, does not drop all episodes in a season at once. It's also the one show my husband hates. 

Addiction is just another delicate balance of marriage. It's also why I watch so many films.

- Natasha

(These books are not in the order of what I liked best)

1. THE MADONNAS OF LENINGRAD — This historical fiction centers around World War II, art history, and Alzheimer’s. Fun! Since I only have adjacent experience with all three of these topics, my read wasn't particularly emotional. But someone who’s watching a loved one struggle with dementia might have fought this book through tears. I was quite moved with the author’s exceptional execution of combining flashbacks and modern-day experiences to better emulate how the main character, Marina, was suffering. All in just one sentence, Marina would be eating dinner then her thoughts would bleed into a vivid memory of hiding out, starving, in Russia’s Hermitage Museum as her peers died around her. Though the literary trope was relied on a wee bit too often, it made my read more haunting and beautiful. For a debut novel, this book is quite impressive and deep.

2. A HOME FOR GODDESSES AND DOGS — I really don’t have too much good to say about this YA book. It’s perhaps best for an orphaned child or one who’s lost their parents. But even then, it still doesn’t express those heart-breaking emotions well. The “diverse” characters felt tokenized. There’s extreme animal cruelty for no purpose. A learning-disabled child is written more as an uncouth moron than a fleshed-out character. The editor’s hand is heavy. Plot points are wrapped up too quickly and neatly. It’s also unnecessarily way too long of a book. But it’s been banned due to two main characters who make up a lesbian couple, so somebody's read this and liked it. Just not me.

3. A NEW EARTH — I got this free at the library. I’d never read Eckhart Tolle before, nor did I know how to pronounce his last name correctly. Now that I’ve done both (Toll-ay, FYI), I can say I really enjoyed learning about dissolving the ego and why it creates much suffering in life. This is not something I read in one sitting. I took my time, trying to apply what I learned to my own daily interactions. I’ll tell you, it’s a battlefield trying to stay present and calm in LA traffic. But at least I'm more present. I’ll definitely read The Power of Now (A New Earth’s predecessor) to see if I can conquer my road rage for good. I only need to get through my giant pile of to-be-read books first. But perhaps that’s a problem for my ego. I’m not quite sure how all this 'be here now' stuff works yet.

FEBRUARY TOP 3:

3. 1917 — When this movie first came out, I really wanted to see it in theaters. A one-shot by Sam Mendes was meant for the big screen. But in 2019, life got ahead of me and the opportunity passed by. Seven years later, big-ups to streaming which finally let me watch this incredible film. It’s not so much a one-shot like Victoria or even my short, CHATTER. 1917 is inter-stitched, meaning edited to look like a oner. But it's still just as thrilling. Currently, Mendes is shooting the Beatles biopic in four-separate parts that will be inter-stitched as well. I can't wait to see these on the big screen... God willing.

2. NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW THE MOVIE — I knew nothing about this movie other than I could never remember the title. I didn’t know if it was about Kurt Cobain or Nirvana or what. I heard the film was not only hilarious it was Canadian made. I told my Canuck husband we had to go see it based on those two points alone. I’m so thankful we did. I have no idea what the budget for this movie was, but the copyright for Back to the Future, iPod ads, and Major League Baseball must have cost an absolute fortune. And to shut down downtown Toronto for filming? It's a wonder this film ever got made. Without giving away too much (I hate spoilers myself), I left the theater laughing and wondering why Americans can't make clean, funny movies like this anymore. 

1. EPIC — When I first saw the trailer for Baz Luhrmann’s documentary, Elvis Presley in Concert (aka EPIC), I thought it would be a concert film from one of Elvis’ Las Vegas residencies and nothing more. I figured I should take the opportunity to see a piece of music history and went in with no expectations. I was never a big Elvis fan. I wasn’t even a little one. I thought he was a pilfer of Black music. As Public Enemy said, “Elvis was a hero to most. But he never meant shit to me.” It was true — until I watched this movie. Elvis was a musical encyclopedia, able to croon out a gospel song and mash it up with a Beatles track. I had no idea of the depth, soul, and energy this man had. I also did not know how gorgeous he was. ‘Fat Elvis’ was a myth. A cruel taunt men must’ve sold themselves to feel better. Elvis looked good in that jumpsuit always. I haven’t cried in a movie in ages, but watching Elvis dance like everyone was watching, kissing every set of lips puckered — he was one of the last great showmen. It’s a shame he died so young. And it’s a shame I never knew more about him. Not everyone stays during the credits like I do, but after EPIC all butts remained stuck in their seats, hoping for an encore that never arrived. See this on the biggest screen you can.

A note about DEEP THROAT: You may be wondering why I added a porn to my movies of the month. Aside from the fact that it's a piece of cinema history and one of the first pornographic films to feature a plot and character development, the main actress — Linda Lovelace (née Boreman) — later spoke out, saying that watching this film was watching her be raped. My debut novel discusses porn addiction. I'm currently writing my second novel which centers around an adult entertainment actress. Pornography is part of my research.

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i do not receive payment for my reviews or recommendations 

This was from January 4th's NYT STRANDS game. Seemed eerily apropos. 

I got a job! Well, a freelance job, but that's even better since I'm still neck-deep in my novel's rewrite after developmental edits came back. I'm happy to report I'm the new researcher for a podcast that centers around tech and philosophy. What a fit! The tarot cards, my soul, and my bank account all tell me 2026 is going to be a great year, and so far so great. Except I had the flu.

If you have not gotten sick yet, this virus was no joke. Fever, chills, nausea, sneezing, coughing, and lethargy — oh my! Thankfully it moved in and out pretty fast. But it sure was something I sure didn't see coming. More on all that telepathy stuff below....

As for the novel, yep, I'm living in Rewrite City, which means I haven't had the chance to read as many books as I'd like. Technically I only read two books this month, since one is a reference guide (see below for that too). I'm happy to report I have four books on my nightstand ready for February. But perhaps my goals are too lofty. Rewrites are a cruel and nasty business that likes to attack my self-doubt and make me second guess my writing skills. That's part of being creative, I guess. The imposter syndrome is real. 

Oh, and yes. I shaved my head. Hair dye was killing my natural curls. I'm letting the bit of gray I have grow in instead of dying. Let's see how long this lasts.

- Natasha

(These books are not in the order of what I liked best)

1. THE GONE DEAD — I met a lady who optioned this book to adapt into a film. Based on her enthusiasm, I immediately got a copy and dug right in. It's a story of a biracial woman looking for closure after her father's mysterious death. Normally freedom fighters, race, and family dynamics would thrill me, but I just couldn't get excited about this story. Though it's not the longest or densest book, it took me awhile to get through. I even downloaded the audiobook to help me finish. I liked the author's writing enough, but I think the initial enthusiasm let me down. I was stuck reading something that didn't resonate and came out flat.

2. THE CONTEMPLATIVE TAROT — In my explorations of the mystical I often wonder how spirituality and religion work together. Enter this book. It breaks down the 78 tarot cards and their Christian interpretation. Which is interesting since the Bible (and many Christians) shun and stone anything that looks outside of godliness for guidance. I don't think anyone should be too worried about The Contemplative Tarot. It pulls from religious dogma — some I had no previous knowledge of — making the readings and interpretations a little milquetoast and bland for my liking.

3. PSYCHIC WITCH — Now this is a book!! I found this by recommendation after an experience where I audibly heard a voice tell me something I would have know way of knowing then later proved to be true. I had a similar experience years ago in New York when I heard an audible say to me I was about to robbed. I crossed the street just as a man jumped from the bushes. Had I not crossed when I did, he could've grabbed me. Since we all have the capacity for psychic encounters, this book is geared to help anyone who wants to improve their abilities. Now I'm working on understanding my clairaudience — or extra-sensory hearing, which is doubly incredible because I was born hard of hearing. To have a sense that is outwardly "broken" but inwardly "clear" sure is wild. But God has fascinating ways of using our weaknesses as strengths. 

JANUARY TOP 3:

3. Dead Man's Wire - This film is based on a true story that happened in Indianapolis in 1977 — only two months before I was born there. My mom doesn't remember this kidnapping at all, which is fascinating since the whole Indy police force was involved. This is a David versus Goliath story about greed and revenge that's heart-thumping and heartbreaking at the same time. Fight the power!

2. Made In Japan - This incredible documentary is about the first-ever Japanese musician to play the Grand Ole Opry and her decades-long quest to play there again. I met the director, Josh Bishop, through a former High Times colleague. As he was telling me about how his film took eleven years to make, he accidentally let the ending slip. I won't spoil it for you, but it did send me on a quest to have Tomi Fujiyama play the national anthem at Dodger Stadium. Stay tuned for more...

1. The Mauritanian - I will be the ignorant American here who admits I passed over this movie multiple times because I didn't know what the title referred to, nor how to pronounce it. Thank God for my husband who did otherwise I may have never seen this incredibly sad and poignant film. Based on the book Guantanamo Diary about a Mauritian man who was held without charge for 14 years from 2002 to 2016. It's a chilling reminder of what is happening today with immigrants and the illegal lack of due process with ICE. 

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i do not receive payment for my reviews or recommendations